You think your better than me?

PAH-HA! My ass.

This blog is a rant about people. People in college or university.
Who think that simply because their in some course for a few years it makes them better than everyone else.

YOU ARE NOT. Fact.

Blah.You have to be stupid to even think that.

Even then,the ones that think this are the ones with a ridiculous amount of a student loan going into their bank accounts and on a course which is of little use to the community &/or involves them simply sitting on their asses talking aload of crap.

You think your better?
I work 5 days a week. I pay rent. I pay tax. I have to deal with annoying people in my job and get called all kinds of things simply because my job is good pay & nothing else decent has opened up. I work to survive. To pay for things and food. And you have the cheek to say something like that?

Pull the fucking stick out of your ass mate. I am better. I work harder than you. And put up with more crap than you. One day i may just go and slap every single person who has the nerve to even mention anything along these lines.

A New Blog?

Ive decided on looking around the internet for a site where i can start a new ‘domain’. A new blog. For general blogging like these, then random things like recipes ive done and my journey of loosing weight this year! Anyone know of any good ones? I shall browse the net on tuesday most likely. Im set upon loosing at least one….or 3! dress sizes. drastic exercising and dieting on the way. this shall be hell

Confusion Of The Father

A rather odd title. Its more confusion of me….about my dad.

So my parents arent together. A divorce was finalized in the early months of 2010 i do believe. Their relationship was an amazingly bad thing really. He cheated many times. And that was purely it really. I still to this day believe that they would never have married if mum hadnt become pregnant with me. Harsh maybe. But i think its the truth alittle… So since they split around…it must be 6 years ago now? He has sent a card every birthday and christmas to me and my brother containing money and a small paragraph or something about missing us etc.

They never really struck much of a chord with me. I hated him. For all the pain that happened and the way he’d treated us all. And i hated the fact he was the reason i had to grow up so fast, at 9 i was trying to help mum. At 12 i was practically going to school and looking after the house. I had to stop being immature and be mature. Of course now a days, i mix it alittle. But the fact i grew up so fast and didnt bother with some  things when i was younger,still etches on me. It hurts that i had to hold my mum at a young age and comfort her days before moving house because my dad was being unfaithful.

Now however, like my birthday one and the christmas card before that,the paragraph has struck a chord. My head says woah! and my heart just feels alittle pain. Im debating whether to simply write a letter to him. Mum is always saying if i want contact i can. I admit i still hate everything he did. But part of me thinks i owe it somehow? Im confused so much over this.

Maybe a part of me simply wishes to give him something to hold onto of me and my brother. maybe i just want to feel like i havent broken all ties. im not sure. i dont want to see him and give him a giant hug. i think,it might with my boyfriends mum passing…2 years ago now? it just makes me think every day how quickly and suddenly you loose someone. and how much you want to say. i dont know.

My mums boyfriend has been with us for around 4 years now,i dont call him dad. but in many ways he is like one now. hes basically a step dad now. so maybe i shouldnt write? im not sure. Id talk to my mum about this, but im not sure what she would say…..and my boyfriend i would talk to…but i dont think id know how to explain something to him like this,he wasnt around for any of it….im not sure if he’d,well not understand, i cant think of the right word……

just confused really

Break Needed Please!

I think a holiday out of the Uk is needed badly. Away from everyone and everything.

Every little thing gets to me. I either get upset or annoyed or something,straight away. Think its simply all built up in me. And im fed up with things. and the recent events didnt help at all. im loosing grip of handling things. im struggling to ‘keep strong’ in situations anymore. its like im weakening or something. i used to be handle things and carry on and ignore things. now they just add to the pile in my head. they wont budge. even the slightest comment on facebook can piss me off,maybe for no real reason,simply a hint of jealousy in me gets me wound up quickly. or something.

LAME.

i need to get away

….no title here…

Okay.
So the last couple of hours have been quite,well not crap, but awful? Heartbreaking to say the least.

Saw a photo on the fellas phone. Fantastic! NOT. As if i need more crap like this again in my life. I know. Is this the worlds business? Hell, it’s not like anyone even reads these blogs now is it??? And I need to write all this. I need to vent everything out without letting it all out in person, because everytime i opened my mouth, i wanted to cry – which of course i did. I know. Weakling much? :/

Anyway, so we had the whole tell the truth talk kinda. And i went through his phone telling him i was going to do so. Found some crap but no actual people on there other than that one pic. Which will subsequently haunt me forever along with many others from the past times i have discovered shit on his phone. Yes. If you hadnt noticed this blog will be full of curse words. Get used to it already please :]

So, well then i checked texts…however a moment ago i did think ‘why did i not check whatsapp? or all the other social shit???’ probably because i was scared. i admit it. when i looked through his phone i wanted to just drop it and run. I didnt want to see him texing some other girl that he loved her or wanted to do things with her. Course i found out through his texts he’s smoking and drinking alot. SPAZ! Im sorry, he got a reaction there i tell ya. If he’d told me he was smoking again…id have called him an idiot but coped,but he lied. So he got the full throttle there,and will continue to. The drinking? Well i know his past. And im not happy. Hell, in all honesty part of me thinks that beanpole photo was a drunk escapade he did.

Now he does claim to not know where that photo came from. But its in his camera taking folder. So i know it was taken on his phone. I didnt dare look at the date info because i didnt want to see it being a day hes at uni in London. It’s taring me apart as it is.

So with the past times of these things…and this one. Im gutted. Mentally destroyed again pretty much.

That picture is another thing plastered on my mind. And it will be for a hell of a long time. I still have the others in there rotting away, this one, i see every time i close my eyes. And its ripping me up inside. I hate myself more, my self esteem is zero once again…..and i dont know what to do. We’re ok now i guess. Hes laying to the side,back facing me. Think hes sleeping. I just dont want to do much, feel sick inside.

I tried so very hard not to think of him and anything happening in London before all this, and i was slowly growing to thinking it’d be ok. But now, im going to think something always…….and i know, i’ll probably turn into bitch girlfriend. Meh.

I think i just want to be in Bournemouth with him. Because in all honesty, when we went there a while back, it was the only time i felt he was mine & only mine. No one else, no family around. Just us.

Students – The Future? Really?

Okay. So last week the news sparked a…debate? To roll off my tongue.

I can’t stand students sometimes. In general, to be honest with you,some of them seem to annoy me either way! Partying all the time, drinking loads, then complaining about being broke (when they have a loan aswel at that matter & have spent this on booze aswel as travel to uni etc) and that the deadline for an essay is in 2 days and they haven’t even hit the middle of it yet,when they were given it a few weeks back. In general, they annoy me. But of course,i know some students in Uni who are the opposite to these qualities i have mentioned :]

Anyway, this is about the government wanting to raise the price of entering into Uni on courses. And not raising loan amounts etc etc etc. All these things they are thinking of now changing.
Last week i saw on the BBC website, headlines of protests in London. Now protesting should be done right. Shouting, signs, walking around the main areas and the buildings with officials in. This one involved all of that and more. SMASHING officials buildings windows. TRASHING buildings. Hitting policemen. VIOLENCE in general.

Yes. They got the attention alright. But they have gained ZERO trust from the government. They have gained nothing!

This shows they learn nothing in Uni UGH. Ridiculous. They went the completely wrong way about trying to get something. They’ve shoved themselves further down the track and i HOPE the government raises it and does nothing for loans. Hell. I don’t think the student loans should be given either way, unless you live in Wales and wish to study in Manchester or something. Half the students spend their loans on drink, clothes, and things they don’t even need like Laptops or high tech phones. But of course, you get some who use it on traveling to and from uni for petrol or bus fares or train tickets. While i work my ass off,paying tax, and some of them have a loan, barely doing the work they are given on their course, spending it on crap. It annoys me.

I discussed this via facebook the other week, it went onto topics in general. Like one person commented they should rid Universities of Media studies as their non academic or something. I counter argued with they should rid Universities of courses that are non-relevant to the community. Keep in English, Mathematics, Computer Technology, Journalism, Chemistry, Forensics, etc. And make subjects such as Performing Arts, Photography, Philosophy, a College subject or Performing Arts School subject etc – move them to a public sixth form etc. As the ones with English etc, are more beneficial to the general public and are needed for jobs. The performing arts ones are more ‘hobbie wise’ and luxuries of life, yes they can get you a job, but will being able to act out a small piece of Hamlet mix a few chemicals to make a medicine for heart problem? No. It’s hard to explain my views here for this, better in person. You can understand me in person..

I’m In Love

…& Always Will Be :]

 

Bring me next sunday already baby <3